I Am SO Not Gay
by Silver Sniper
Summary: Fuji, being the considerate older brother he is, attempts to find Yuuta the perfect date, and maybe something more. ...Only Yuuta's not gay... Really... Honestly... He isn't.


Prince of Tennis © Takeshi Konomi

Fuji will be extremely OOC in this, obviously…

* * *

"Aniki! _No_!" An aggravated and slightly horrified Yuuta tore away from his brother's grasp and quickly retreated into a safe haven, which happened to be behind a couch at that moment. The older Fuji put on a sad smile as he tried to reason with his little brother.

"But Yuuta. I'm only taking you on these dates so you can be prepared when you decided to ask someone out, or someone asks you out," Fuji sighed as he tapped a finger to his cheek. Yuuta narrowed his eyes as he continued to sink lower and lower behind the couch.

"Aniki I doubt anyone I date in the future will want to take me to a _women's _clothing store and then proceed to dress me up like some kind of rag doll," Yuuta frowned as he started inching towards the door. However, the older Fuji had sensed this, and gracefully proceeded towards the exit, preventing Yuuta from escaping.

_Great… Now I'll have to jump out a window or something…_

"Oh, but it was only that one time during Christmas!" Fuji insisted. "Think of all our other dates! Like the one to the duck pond, and then the one to that nice little French restaurant, and then-"

"Stop! Stop!" Yuuta cried as Fuji looked on with an amused smile. "You know you fed those ducks some kind of inedible chemical substance your teammate made, and you ended up blowing up on of the 'nice little French restaurant's' oven because they weren't 'cooking the things right'!"

"Well, they weren't," Fuji declared with a smile. "Anyhow, Yuuta, I've been thinking-"

"Whatever it is, the answer is no," Yuuta answered automatically. Fuji Syusuke shook his head as he advanced onto his poor little sibling.

"Oh, Yuuta! I'm so happy! I was just about to say let's forget about the whole finding you a date thing and just do something else. But if you insist…" Fuji said. Yuuta paled. "Come on, Yuuta. Let's go."

_Actually, jumping out of a window and breaking a bone or ten doesn't seem that bad now…

* * *

"A-A-Aniki!"_

"What's the matter, Yuuta?" Fuji asked, his brilliant set of cerulean eyes flickering open. The two were currently on the sidelines of the street tennis courts, Yuuta blushing a hundred shades of red, and Fuji with a smile and his hand waving towards the players.

"A-Aniki…! I-I… _I'm not gay_!" Yuuta insisted. Now that it had come to this, going on a 'date' with his brother suddenly seemed like a very good idea. A lot better than his brother trying to hook him up with someone else at least. A _guy_ someone else. What ever in the world made his brother believe that he was gay!

"But Yuuta," Fuji began, "Echizen-kun would make a lovely boyfriend for you. He's very talented, and although he's a bit blunt, I'm sure you two can work it all out."

"Aniki!" Yuuta screamed, blushing deeper (if even possible). "This is public! _Stop_!"

"But Yuuta! Just think of what an adorable couple you two would make!" Fuji reasoned. Yuuta just groaned as he buried his beet red face into his hands.

"Aniki!"

Meanwhile, on the courts, Ryoma was trying very hard to ignore the oh-so loud and clear conversation between the Fuji brothers. Apparently, however, it was sort of hard when it came to this as Kamio and Shinji had just succeeded in scoring their third point in a row while it was Ryoma's serve. Ryoma frowned. The things Fuji could say…

"Oh! Have you heard, Echizen? Fuji-sempai is playing matchmaker!" Momoshiro snickered, suddenly not caring that they were losing.

"Mada mada dane."

* * *

Yuuta had hoped that after that incident, his brother would have just have gotten off of his case and left him alone. But this is Fuji Syusuke we're talking about, and Yuuta probably knew him better than everyone else in the whole wide world save the actual person himself. And since Yuuta had such a knowledge of his brother, he knew very well that this was most certainly not the end of the road for him. A guy could hope, could he not?

"Ah! Tezuka! Just the person I was looking for!"

Yuuta stopped dead in his tracks, his brother's hand on his wrist tugging away at him, and his face pale as snow. Tezuka! _TEZUKA_! His brother wasn't serious was he? Slowly, Yuuta cranked his head to see what was behind him, and sure enough, the stoic captain of the Seigaku tennis club stood before them with Fuji at his side.

"A-Aniki… Y-You're not… Y-you're not se-"

"Tezuka, I have come to the awareness that frowning and not being happy and gay enough is destroying- _has already destroyed_ your personality," Fuji cited in a happy and knowing tone as Tezuka looked at him with a great confusion.

"Fuji…"

"So here's my proposal, Tezuka. My brother Yuuta here is also in desperate need of some wild and passionate romance in his-"

"ANIKI!" Yuuta interrupted, making some people turn their heads to look at the trio before walking on. "STOP!"

"Fuji," Tezuka sighed. "I strongly advise you to go home and rest." And with that, Tezuka disappeared into the crowd.

"Saa… too bad. I think you would've looked quite well with Tezuka," Fuji said as he took the blushing Yuuta's hand into his own and hauled him down the street.

"Aniki!"

* * *

Many more attempts to hook Yuuta up with one of the Seigaku regulars had failed. Kaidoh had stopped dead and muttered something about his nonexistent pet, Eiji had gasped and started crying, Oishi had just went on ranting about life and its precautions, Kawamura had fainted, and Inui went about on statistics until he finally forced down a pint of his newest juice down into Yuuta, causing the boy to endure severe head trauma, (as if he wasn't already) and excruciating nausea.

"Aniki, can we please go home?" Yuuta whined as he gulped down another bottle of water, trying to get rid of that horrid taste that was still left lingering on his tongue. That Inui Juice thing proved to be a lot more horrifying than Yuuta had expected.

"As soon as we find you a pleasant boyfriend, Yuuta," Fuji said soothingly. The water seemed to have gotten caught halfway down Yuuta's esophagus and then decided to take a back trip out of his mouth.

"_What_?" Yuuta screamed frantically. "Aniki! I…! _Boyfriend_! But…! But I'm not _gay_!"

"It's alright, Yuuta. I support you whole-heartedly," Fuji told him solemnly. Yuuta just really wanted to cry right about then. He wasn't gay. Really. Honestly. He wasn't.

"Aniki…" Yuuta growled.

"There, there, Yuuta," Fuji cooed as he gently patted his brother on the back before Yuuta swatted him away. "Come along. Let's see what nice selections you have at your school."

"_ANIKI_!"

* * *

"Oh dear," Fuji sighed as he cupped a hand to his cheek. "I've seemed to have forgotten what ugly people Yuuta had on his team, especially that what's-his-name guy in that _hideous_ purple shirt."

"Aniki…" Yuuta whimpered. As if that statement wasn't bad enough, Mizuki just _had_ to stop the game he was playing with Akazawa and slide over to where the two were.

"Ah! Seigaku's Fuji Syusuke. Now why would-"

"Oh! But he isn't that bad," Fuji remark, dragging Yuuta away from Mizuki and pointing to Kisarazu, ignoring the St. Rudolph manager altogether.

"_Aniki_! _Please_!"

"In fact, he's rather cute and adorable, maybe handsome even. Isn't he related to that other guy in Rokkaku?"

"_A-NI-KI_!"

"You two would go nicely together in a wedding photograph."

"Just so you know, I have no intention of ever dating or marrying you, Yuuta. No offence," Kisarazu told Yuuta bluntly, who was so embarrassed beyond reckoning. Kisarazu just shook his head and continued the game.

"See da ne? I'm not the only one in the world who thinks you're cute and adorable and handsome da ne!" Yanagisawa proudly stated. (though where the pride was who knew?) Kisarazu sighed and proceeded to smash the tennis ball into his face.

Mizuki? He was clearly offended that Fuji was paying zero attention to him.

* * *

"No, Aniki, _no_! STOP!" Yuuta demanded as he tried to rid himself of his brother's vice grip. Unfortunately, tennis player's grips tend to be very sturdy and strong, and Yuuta's yanking seemed to have had no effect against the elder Fuji.

"Oh, Yuuta!" Fuji said gently. "Aniki's only trying to help!"

"Well in that case, stop helping. In fact, never help me ever again," Yuuta said.

"Really, Yuuta," Fuji went on. "I have the perfect match for you. You'll see. He's absolutely wonderful once you get to know him. Quite charming actually."

"I already said I'm not _gay_!" Yuuta half whined half whimpered. That statement was really scary though. It sounded as if his brother knew that from experience, and that was just… _creepy_.

"Yuuta, I already said I supported you wholeheartedly," Fuji said calmingly. Yuuta started sobbing.

* * *

"Seigaku's Fuji, no?"

"Hello, Oshitari. Allow me to introduce my younger brother: Fuji Yuuta," Fuji said with a gleaming smile. Now Yuuta was yanking on his arm as hard as humanely possible without tearing it in half altogether.

"Ah… the one who lost to Jirou," Oshitari noted. Yuuta twitched. "But what business do you two have at Hyoutei?"

"Well, you see, my little brother Yuuta here is lacking a certain special someone in his life, so-"

"ANIKI! STOP IT!" Yuuta screamed. He shouldn't have done that, really, for now all of Hyoutei was suddenly fixed on the three of them.

"My, my, Yuuta, is that a no then?" Fuji said sadly.

"Can we just _go_!" Yuuta wailed. Fuji sighed, but nonetheless, obliged.

"Well, Oshitari-san, what can I say? It seems you don't fit my brother's criteria," Fuji said. Oshitari gave him a funny look.

"From the way the conversation was going, I could probably safely say that's good."

"Oh my _god_, Aniki! I am NOT _gay_!" Yuuta repeated again. He was really beginning to doubt his brother's hearing and processing what he has heard functions. Hadn't he stated that statement over and over and over again? Really, Yuuta wasn't gay. He wasn't.

"There, there, now, Yuuta. I'm sure there's the perfect man out there for you somewhere. Shall we try Yamabuki next?"

"**ANIKI!**"

* * *

And Yamabuki they did try. First they had come across Akutsu, but Fuji had decided he was much too violent, and may possibly put Yuuta under domestic violence should they ever marry. (Of course, Yuuta had no intentions of ever marrying that guy. In fact, he had no intentions of marrying _any_ guy. Ever.) They had later come across Sengoku, but unfortunately, the happy-go-lucky boy gasped and declared that he had already fallen madly in love with his own precious hair and can't bear to have any other lover. Fuji was rather saddened by all of this. Yuuta was just disturbed.

"Such a pity no one understands your dilemma, Yuuta," Fuji sighed as he pushed his brother along. "Shall we try Tachibana-san next?"

"No!" Yuuta roared. "I don't want to date him! Or any guy for that matter!" Honestly, Yuuta didn't. Really.

"Oh, I see, I see," Fuji nodded knowingly. "Of course. Tachibana-san might bore you possibly. Shall we get you someone more upbeat? How about that Wakato guy from Jyousei Shounan? I heard he's quite popular and has quite the personality."

"No!"

"Oh… such a pity."

* * *

So instead of trying to get Yuuta to hit on Tachibana or Wakato, Fuji had decided for himself that Saeki must be the perfect other half to Yuuta. Yuuta was absolutely mortified. Really, _mortified_.

"Aniki!" Yuuta groaned as he unhappily trudged along with his brother. "Please, stop! _NO_!" His tugs were futile.

"Oh, Yuuta!" Fuji laughed. "It's going to be wonderful, really! You two are going to be the best couple ever, and you'll have a lavishing wedding and-"

"Wedding? What wedding?"

Yuuta's knees gave out as he sank to the ground like a puddle of goo in a really, really, really bad way. How long will this go on? He just simply couldn't take much more of the insanity!

"You're wedding, of course," Fuji went on as though it was the most normal thing in the whole wide world. Yuuta was having another blush attack. "I was just going on about how you and Yuuta would make the loveliest couple. Don't you agree, Saeki?"

"Oh, yes! I love Yuuta like my own life and soul and I just can't bear to live without him for another second!" Saeki remarked sarcastically. Fuji broke out laughing.

"No, Aniki, no!" Yuuta screamed.

"I'm only joking, Yuuta," Saeki said comfortingly.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad, Saeki, because I was perfectly serious," Fuji said. Saeki gave the boy a queer look as Yuuta literally ran away blushing like crazy.

Another failure…

* * *

Many more failures occurred as Fuji took Yuuta back to a lot of other random schools like Ginka and attempted to play matchmaker there. Yuuta felt like a wad of Jell-O™ that got stomped on horribly, and he swore if he blushed any more, he'd really get a fever.

And then his brother took him to Rikkai.

"Aniki! For the last time, I'm _straight_!" Yuuta protested as they walked across the track to the tennis courts.

"Now, now, Yuuta. Keep your voice down. People are staring, you know?" Fuji said, and indeed, most of the Rikkai tennis club had stopped to look at the strange dual: one from Seigaku, and the other from St. Rudolph.

"But why are we _here_? I thought you hated them!" Yuuta pointed out. Fuji smiled.

"Yes, but if you look past his rather demonic side, Kirihara can be quite a doll, and that-"

"Stop! Stop!" Yuuta cried, his delicate and pure ears not wanting to hear anymore of this… this… _stuff_. Fuji just laughed before his eyes went back to scouting out one of the Rikkai regulars. Such a pretty school…

"Oh, and what do the Fuji brothers have at Rikkai?"

Yuuta prayed for dear mercy as they spun around and came face-to-face with the trickster of Rikkai. Niou stared at them with a bemused look. After all, how often do you get visitors from the other schools? And let alone two no less.

_Oh god no…_

"Ah, Niou was it? Actually, I was hoping you could do my brother a favor. You see, Yuuta here is lacking-"

"I'm not lacking _anything_! And _stop_ trying to hook me up with _guys_!" Yuuta screamed. Moments later, he deeply regretted it as everyone was now giving him a weird look. Yuuta was back to blushing again, possibly in the deepest shade you could ever imagine.

"Whoa… I never knew you guys were gay. Sorry," Niou snickered as he backed off, leaving Fuji sighing and Yuuta being as embarrassed as anyone could be.

* * *

"Honestly, Yuuta, if you would just give them a _chance_," Fuji instructed. "I'm only trying to prepare you to start a family in the future!"

"News flash, Aniki. Guys can't have kids!" Yuuta pointed out.

"Hmm… but still, I do think that you were a perfect match for-"

"Aniki! STOP! Why are you so keen on this date thing!" Yuuta asked.

"I'm just trying to help!" Fuji protested with a sad look. "And really, Echizen-kun was-"

"Aniki! For the last time! I am SO not gay!"

* * *

Ah… So utterly ridiculous and pointless… 


End file.
